I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
