everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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