wake up i wanna do it froggy style
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
