What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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