4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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