I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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