maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
