ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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