Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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