you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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