I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
