the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
