I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
