i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize