He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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