I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
God, I missed his penis.
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