he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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