Where is the hickey?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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