I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Someone signed my nipple.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
