Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
