i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
