guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
