my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
