also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
