Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
