But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
