just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
