She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
