Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
