One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize