My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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