Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
