At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
