thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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