i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
