She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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