his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
