It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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