How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
