good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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