Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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