My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize