South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
