do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
