Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
