So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
