I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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