oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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