So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
please don't ironically join a cult
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