that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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