I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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