summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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