I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
