she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
