1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
