Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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