We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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