..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
