He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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