I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
