Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
