I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
