i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My cat gives me a boner
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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