I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize