I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
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Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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