Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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