i jhust puked up my retainher.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
