I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
