I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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