Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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