i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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