He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
