so explain again why im purple
no
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
