I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
