Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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